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169 Hilarious and Inappropriate Horrible Bosses Quotes Not Meant for the Office

Horrible bosses can put more than just your job at risk. We've all worked for someone who made us squirm with fear or left us feeling frustrated and undervalued. If you're looking for a way to vent your frustration, and maybe even laugh a little, you're in the right place! In this blog post, we bring you some of the most hilarious and unforgettable horrible bosses quotes that you won't soon forget. So, grab a cup of coffee, relax, and enjoy some good boss-bashing humor.

169 hilarious and inappropriate horrible bosses quotes not meant for the office 8740-OnlyCaptions

good horrible bosses quotes (2023)

Looking for a way to spice up your workday? Look no further than the hilarious quotes from the 2011 comedy film "Horrible Bosses." In this post, we'll highlight some of the best zingers and one-liners from the film's unforgettable characters. Get ready to laugh out loud and maybe even commiserate with some of the film's workplace shenanigans.

  • "I'd like to staple his tongue to his forehead. Make him look a little bit more witchy." - Julia Harris
  • "Don't you think it's unsanitary to put your whole mouth on the water cooler spigot?" - Dave Harken
  • "I'm a dentist, not a vaginist." - Dr. Julia Harris
  • "Do you think I want to be stuck in a room with someone who thinks the best way to get a promotion is by pointing out someone else's mistakes?" - Bobby Pellitt
  • "I don't care how you do it or who you have to suck up to, just get this damn thing done." - Kurt Buckman
  • "I'm gonna take a huge steamy dump in the middle of his desk." - Dale Arbus
  • "You want me to disable the safeguards on the machine that can cut off my fingers with the ease of slicing a banana?" - Nick Hendricks
  • "I make a livable salary, I have a house, 2 cars, a beautiful wife, and a dog. What do you have, Charlie?" - Bobby Pellitt
  • "Lady, people aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard coated bastards with bastard filling." - Dr. Julia Harris
  • "You have an obnoxious amount of cheese in your fridge. Which leads me to believe you're sexually frustrated." - Dave Harken
  • "I'll tell you what I'd find helpful. If you could jump into a time machine, set it for 1955, and get your ass back to an era where you belong." - Kurt Buckman
  • "These guys are like the Mafia of the Midwest. You do one little thing wrong and you're not making payroll, that's for sure." - Nick Hendricks
  • "I don't hate him. But, by golly, if he were on fire and I had a glass of water, I'd drink it!" - Bobby Pellitt
  • "You gotta find your inner cobra, Nick. And you gotta let her strike." - Dr. Julia Harris
  • "You know what happens when you make a dream come true? A dream that you've had since your lips first touched a bottle of Jäger? You know what happens? Your life ends." - Dale Arbus

funny horrible bosses quotes (2023)

Are you tired of your boss making you want to pull your hair out? Well, you're not alone! Here are some hilarious quotes from some of the worst fictional employers in history that will make you feel better about your own terrible boss.

  • "I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work for a boss who's too much of an idiot to realize that he's too much of an idiot." - Nick Hendricks
  • "Pellit, you're a terrible human being. I'm serious, nobody likes you." - Bobby Pellit
  • "I would like to stick you in a toaster, and watch you pop." - Dr. Julia Harris
  • "You're not taking 15-minute breaks every hour. You're not in kindergarten anymore, pumpkin." - Dave Harken
  • "I can't tell if you're the dumbest person I've ever met or the most brilliant." - Chad Feldheimer
  • "You weren't hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass." - Julia Harris
  • "You're like a white Muhammad Ali. You're quick, you're funny, you're cocky. Plus nobody wants to watch you longer than 10 minutes." - Kurt Buckman
  • "I'm sorry, your seatbelt seems to be broken. What do you recommend I do?" - Dale Arbus
  • "You can't fire me, I quit. You hear me? I quit." - Kurt Buckman
  • "I'd like to shoot her with a tranquilizer gun, then just dump her in the woods." - Nick Hendricks
  • "I'm not a dentist, I'm a dental assistant, and I'm not even that anymore because I'm retired, thanks to your ridiculous rules." - Jack Pellit
  • "Your hair looks stupid." - Dave Harken
  • "Slippery little suckers." - Dr. Julia Harris
  • "You're kind of dismissing the fact that I'm an excellent salesperson." - Bobby Pellit
  • "I'm glad you got shot, I mean it from the bottom of my heart." - Kurt Buckman
  • "I don't want to eat anything that has smiling children on the front, it's bad fucking karma." - Dale Arbus

wise horrible bosses quotes (sayings)

We all have come across some difficult bosses in our lives. It might be the way they talk, act, or manage the team that makes it unbearable to work with them. However, their words can leave a lasting effect on us, and "Horrible Bosses Quotes" are proof of it.

  • "I'm sorry, I don't speak dipshit." - Bobby Pellitt
  • "You can't climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets." - Dave Harken
  • "If you're early, you're on time. If you're on time, you're late." - Lenny Fowler
  • "There are two types of people in this world: winners and losers." - Dr. Julia Harris
  • "I have a problem with the function of your face." - Bobby Pellitt
  • "If you're not cheating, you're not trying." - Kurt Buckman
  • "I don't hate you. I just don't like that you exist." - Dr. Julia Harris
  • "I'm not here to be liked. I'm here to get results." - Dave Harken
  • "You're getting paid to follow my orders, not to ask questions." - Bobby Pellitt
  • "If you want to be the alpha dog, you have to pee on everything." - Kurt Buckman
  • "The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary." - Jack Pellitt
  • "I work hard so my employees can play hard." - Dave Harken
  • "I'm not micromanaging, I'm just giving detailed instructions." - Dr. Julia Harris
  • "Show me someone without an ego, and I'll show you a loser." - Kurt Buckman
  • "I'm in charge here, and you'll do what I say." - Bobby Pellitt
  • "There's no such thing as failure, only learning experiences." - Dave Harken

famous horrible bosses quotes (2023)

Ever had a boss who was so horrible that it made you question your sanity? Yeah, we've all been there. But what makes a horrible boss even more unbearable is their knack for spewing out the worst kind of one-liners - and that's exactly what we're here to talk about today. Get ready to cringe and laugh at the same time as we take a look at some of the most unforgettable "Horrible Bosses" quotes.

  • "You've been missing a lot of work lately... I wouldn't say I've been "missing" it, Bob." - Peter
  • "I'm sorry, your highness. Would you like me to get on my knees and beg?" - Bobby Pellitt
  • "I'm not gonna fire you. I'm gonna let you quit." - Dave Harken
  • "How about you just don't touch my stuff… or borrow my shirt. Don't do that either." - Kurt Buckman
  • "Take a look around, Nick. You see anybody else standing here with you beside me? No? That's what I thought." - Dave Harken
  • "I'm not the one who got caught sticking his dick in the Xerox machine." - Dr. Julia Harris
  • "I have not heard the word 'no' in three years. And I'm a good listener." - Bobby Pellitt
  • "Don't ever question my dedication. I put a roof over your head, don't I? I put food on the table, don't I? And all I ask for is a little bit of gratitude, Nick." - Dave Harken
  • "I'm not going to chase you. I'll wait for you to come to me." - Bobby Pellitt
  • "I didn't get into business to make friends. And I don't really care if they like me or not. But they will respect me." - Kurt Buckman
  • "This is a business. I'm not your friend. And I'm not your mother. If you have a problem, take it up with HR." - Dave Harken
  • "I'm not gonna lie. I'm really turned on right now." - Dr. Julia Harris
  • "You're a negative person, Nick. You're always looking for the downside. That's not what we need right now." - Dave Harken
  • "You know what I want you to do? I want you to go out there and win. Or lose. Just do it with dignity." - Kurt Buckman
  • "You're a drug addict. You failed your drug test. You're fired. Do you have any questions?" - Dave Harken
  • "I'm not crazy, I'm just very creative." - Dr. Julia Harris

Frequently Asked Questions


1. What is Horrible Bosses?

Horrible Bosses is a 2011 American dark comedy film directed by Seth Gordon, which features three friends who seek revenge on their abusive bosses.


2. Can you share some of the famous Horrible Bosses quotes?

"I'm not a murderer. I'm just... I'm just an amateur sociopath." - Dale Arbus

"You come to work on time, you dress appropriately, and you don't steal anything." - Dave Harken

"I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school... or a Chuck E. Cheese." - Kurt Buckman


3. Who are the characters in Horrible Bosses?

The movie features three characters who are struggling with their horrible bosses: Nick Hendricks, Dale Arbus, and Kurt Buckman. They are played by Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, and Jason Sudeikis respectively.


4. What is the message behind Horrible Bosses?

The film highlights the importance of standing up for oneself and taking control of one's own life, no matter how difficult the situation may be. It also emphasizes the dangerous consequences of allowing toxic and abusive behavior to continue in the workplace.


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