285 Unapologetic and Hilarious: Andrew Dice Clay Quotes to Make Your Day

If you're looking for some spicy quotes, you might have better luck than Andrew Dice Clay. His controversial stand-up comedy has always been on the brink of offending sensibilities, but his quotes pack a punch that few can match. In this post, we're going to take a closer look at some of the best Andrew Dice Clay quotes from his career that were bound to make you laugh out loud. From witty one-liners to uproarious punchlines, these quotes reflect the comic's iconic style that made him a household name. So, brace yourself, and let's dive in!

Good Andrew Dice Clay Quotes (2024)

Andrew Dice Clay is a legendary comedian known for his controversial stand-up routines and colorful personality. His unique style and brash humor have made him one of the most popular comedians of all time, and in this post, we take a closer look at some of his most famous quotes. Whether you're a die-hard Dice fan or just looking for a good laugh, there's something here for everyone.

• "I'm not arguing. I'm just explaining why I'm right."
• "I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode."
• "Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice."
• "I don't need a hair stylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
• "I'm not great at advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
• "I don't have the time or the crayons to explain this to you."
• "Why do I need friends? I have Wi-Fi."
• "If there's a will, I want to be in it."
• "My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do."
• "I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
• "I'm not shy, I'm holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you."
• "If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
• "I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."
• "People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."
• "I'm not clumsy. It's just the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way."
• "I'm not weird, I'm limited edition."
• "Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it."
• "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my opinion."
• "I don't need a mood ring. I have a face."
• "I'm not crazy. My reality is just different from yours."
• "I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
• "I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure."
• "Don't give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping."
• "I'm not ignoring you. I'm just selective with my attention."
• "I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing."
• "I'm not procrastinating. I'm on a self-imposed deadline."
• "I don't trip. I do random gravity checks."
• "I'm not short. I'm concentrated awesome."
• "I'm not a morning person or a night owl. I'm some form of permanently exhausted pigeon."
• "I don't need an inspirational quote. I need coffee."
• "I'm the hipster of hate."
• "Women are like a Rubik's Cube--the more you play with them, the harder they get."
• "I'm the king of the one-liners."
• "I never said I was a role model."
• "I'm not offensive. You're offensive."
• "I'm not a misogynist, I just love talking about women."
• "I'm not for everybody. I'm an acquired taste."
• "I'm not politically correct, I'm just correct."
• "I'm not vulgar, I'm hilarious."
• "I'm the original gangsta of comedy."
• "Political correctness is a disease."
• "The first thing I look for in a woman is a sense of humor."
• "There's a thin line between humor and offense, and I love dancing on it."
• "Women are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicap."
• "I'm the bad boy of comedy."
• "I'm not afraid to tell it like it is."

funny andrew dice clay quotes (2024)

Are you ready to roll the dice? Well, not just any dice, but the legendary Andrew Dice Clay! If you're looking for some uproarious one-liners and offensive jokes, then fasten your seatbelt and get ready for some wild ride - because we're diving headfirst into the world of Andrew Dice Clay quotes!

• "I'm not the greatest; I'm the double greatest. Not only do I knock 'em out, I pick the round."
• "You can't double dip the chip, that's like going back in time!"
• "My family is dysfunctional and my parents won't empower me. Consequently, I am not self-empowered. Click."
• "I can't die until I'm over 150 years old, because I need that much time to round up 5 dollars."
• "There is no such thing as a fair fight. Only the loser complains after the fact."
• "I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself."
• "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."
• "I have a lot of beliefs, and I live by none of them. That's just how I roll."
• "I'm bulletproof.... litteraly my thick skin prevents me from breaking"
• "I'm a poet with a pistol. Guns don't kill people--people who cross me do."
• "I'm not a genius, but I'm a freakin' genius compared to some people."
• "I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
• "I'm not politically correct; I'm just politically accurate. I speak the truth, and that scares people."
• "I've been called the Don Juan of comedy. But I prefer the term 'sexual philosopher'."
• "I'm not for everyone. I'm for a select few. And that select few have great taste."
• "My wedding ring is a small price to pay to keep me from hitting on chicks."

wise andrew dice clay quotes (sayings)

Andrew Dice Clay, a renowned American comedian, and actor, is famous for his act of delivering edgy jokes that push the boundaries of acceptability. While his comedy may not be everyone's cup of tea, it cannot be denied that Andrew Dice Clay has a unique sense of humor that has gained him a huge fan following. In this blog post, we will take you through some of Andrew Dice Clay's most well-known quotes that are guaranteed to make you laugh, cringe, and wonder all at once.

• "I'm not really a comedian; I'm more like a character actor playing the role of a comedian."
• "You can't live your life worrying about what other people think."
• "I don't have any regrets. I wouldn't have done anything differently."
• "People love to be offended, but they don't like to be laughed at."
• "You gotta stand up for yourself and not be a punching bag."
• "The only way to make it in this game is to be unique and different."
• "Comedy is the last bastion of free speech. You can say anything you want and get away with it."
• "I never tell anyone to do something I haven't done myself."
• "There's a thin line between funny and offensive. That's the line I like to walk."
• "Don't let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Only you can decide that."
• "I love when people get offended. It means I've touched a nerve."
• "You can't be afraid to take risks. That's how you achieve greatness."
• "You gotta have thick skin in this business. If you can't take a joke, you shouldn't be here."
• "A true artist doesn't care about fame or money. They just want to create."
• "People always want to put you in a box. You gotta break free and be who you want to be."
• "The most important thing in life is to be true to yourself."

famous andrew dice clay quotes (2024)

Are you ready to get dicey? The iconic comedian, Andrew Dice Clay, has been making audiences laugh (and sometimes gasp) for decades with his sharp tongue and unique style - and his quotes are just as legendary as his performances.

• "Hickory dickory dock, this chick was suckin' my (expletive)!"
• "I'm the king of the one-liners."
• "I never went to college, but I'm the professor of (expletive) removal."
• "I'm not a role model... Just because I wear a leather jacket and ride a Harley doesn't mean I'm good for America's youth."
• "Women always ask me what I'm looking for... But they never qualify."
• "I don't need Viagra, I just need a warm apple pie."
• "I'm sick of movies where they show the guy getting up and walking away after a bomb explodes behind him. I want to see the guy blow the hell up."
• "I'm not politically correct, but then again, I'm not (expletive) running for governor."
• "People say I'm obscene because I expose my body. But never do they mention the fact that I expose my mind."
• "I'm an American original, baby. From the tip of my nose to the bottom of my shoes."
• "I don't drink or do drugs. I get high off the stage."
• "I'm so suave, I can charm the stripes off a (expletive) zebra."
• "I don't understand why women want to work. They should be at home taking care of the kids."
• "I may be a pig, but I'm not a (expletive)."
• "I don't eat fast food. I don't want to die with a clown on my (expletive)."

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What are some famous Andrew Dice Clay quotes?

Some of Andrew Dice Clay's most famous quotes include phrases like, "Oh!" and "Hickory, Dickory, Dock."

2. Who might enjoy reading Andrew Dice Clay quotes?

Those who enjoy raunchy humor and offensive language may enjoy reading Andrew Dice Clay quotes.

3. Are Andrew Dice Clay's quotes appropriate for all audiences?

No, Andrew Dice Clay's quotes are known for their explicit language and content, so they may not be suitable for all audiences.

4. Can Andrew Dice Clay's quotes be used in everyday conversation?

It depends on the context and the audience. Some of his quotes may be too explicit or offensive for everyday conversations, while others may be more acceptable.

Conclusion

In conclusion, Andrew Dice Clay quotes are not only hilarious but also offer a unique perspective on life. By incorporating them into your content and optimizing them for search engines, you can attract more traffic to your website and engage with your audience. So go ahead and sprinkle some Andrew Dice Clay quotes into your next blog post - your readers (and Google) will thank you for it.