910+ Funny Confucius Quotes (2024) Humor Meets Philosophy

Amidst the vast treasure trove of philosophical wisdom, the "Funny Confucius Quotes" stand out as delightful gems that not only offer profound insights but also bring a touch of humor to the world of ancient wisdom. Confucius, the renowned Chinese philosopher, is often associated with his serious and contemplative teachings. However, hidden within his profound sayings are moments of fun and wit that showcase his multifaceted personality. In this exploration of "Funny Confucius Quotes," we will journey through the lighthearted side of Confucian philosophy, revealing how humor and wisdom intertwine in these timeless aphorisms.

Funny Confucius Quotes (2024)

While Confucius is renowned for his profound philosophical teachings, his wit and humor are often overlooked. In this collection of "Funny Confucius Quotes," we delve into the lighter side of his wisdom, where timeless humor and insightful lessons intersect.

• "Man who stands on toilet is high on pot."
• "Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets exhausted."
• "War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left."
• "Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs."
• "Girl who sits on jockey's lap gets hot tip."
• "Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusion."
• "Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk."
• "Man who drives like hell is bound to get there."
• "Man who eats many prunes gets good run for money."
• "Man who shoots off mouth, must expect to lose face."
• "Man who stands on paper toiled high on crack."
• "Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters into his own hands."
• "Man who puts head on railroad track gets splitting headache."
• "Man who buries himself can't be buried in same place."
• "Man who goes to bed with an itchy butt wakes up with smelly finger."
• "Man who sticks head in blender gets ahead in life but loses face."
• "He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons."
• "Man with one chopstick go hungry."
• "Man who runs behind car gets exhausted."
• "Man who walks through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok."
• "Man who walks in front of car gets tired, but man who walks behind car gets exhausted."
• "Man who lives in glass house should change in basement."
• "Man who throws dirt is losing ground."
• "Man who fart in church sit in own pew."
• "Man who goes to bed with itchy butt wakes up with smelly finger."
• "Man who goes to bed with an itchy butt wakes up with a stinky finger."
• "Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."
• "Man who walk in middle of road get hit by bus."
• "Man who go to sleep with itchy butt, wake up with smelly finger."
• "Man who sits on tack gets point!"
• "Man who stand on toilet is high on pot."
• "Man who make mistake in elevator is wrong on many levels."
• "Man who eats jellybeans farts in technicolor."
• "Man who plays with self ends up with hairy palms."
• "Man who drop watch in toilet have crappy time."
• "Man who sneezes without tissue takes matter in his own hands."
• "Man who walks into airplane propeller is going to Bangkok."
• "Man who jumps off cliff jumps to conclusion."
• "Man who runs behind car get exhausted."
• "He who walks in middle of road gets hit by bus."

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• "Man who scratches backside should not bite fingernails."
• "Man who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons."
• "Man who falls in vat of molten glass makes spectacle of himself."
• "Man who stands on paper to be taller is a doormat."
• "Man who keeps feet firmly on ground has trouble putting on pants."
• "Man who eats fortune cookie gets crummy fortune."
• "Man who puts head on railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache."
• "Man who walks through turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok."
• "Man who talks too much gets his chopsticks in a twist."
• "Man who cuts his own firewood warms himself twice, but also risks cutting his foot."
• "Man who stands on burning ship is called Bob."
• "Man who eats clock is very time-consuming."
• "Man who farts in church sits in own pew."
• "Man who sticks head in blender gets ahead of himself."
• "Man who falls into TV gets channeling."
• "Man who keeps feet on ground has a good foundation."
• "Man who walks through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok."
• "Man who eats dynamite has a blast."
• "Man who sneezes without covering mouth spreads his point of view."
• "Man who goes to bed with itchy butt wakes up with stinky finger."
• "Man who throws dirt is likely to lose ground."
• "Man who eats nails for breakfast is a hardware store."
• Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
• Man who scratches butt should not bite fingernails.
• Confucius say, "Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets exhausted."
• Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for joy.
• Man who eats many prunes gets good run for money.
• He who laughs last, didn't get the joke.
• Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
• Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

• Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters into his own hands.
• Man who goes to bed with an itchy butt wakes up with a smelly finger.
• Man who falls in vat of molten glass makes spectacle of himself.
• Man who stands on paper to keep clean feet is on the right track.
• Man who walks through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.
• Man who put face in punchbowl get punch in nose.
• Man who keeps feet on ground have trouble putting on pants.
• Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.
• Man who tells wife to calm down is picking a fight.
• Man who crosses ocean twice without washing is a dirty double-crosser.
• Man who does business in whorehouse gets screwed.
• Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
• Man who walks through turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok.
• Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.
• Man who plays with himself pulls it off.
• Man who put cream in tart, not always baker.
• Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.
• Man who falls in vat of molten glass makes spectacle of self.
• Man who runs behind car will get exhausted.
• Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
• Man who puts money in toilet, flushing assets.
• Man who cuts self while shaving, lose face.
• Man who stands on paper to keep clean feet is on right track.
• Man who takes sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night will wake up in deep shit.
• Man who makes mistake in elevator wrong on many levels.
• Man who keep feet on ground, have trouble putting on pants.
• Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache.
• Man who goes to sleep with itchy butt wakes up with smelly finger.
• Man who farts in church sits in own pew.
• Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusion.

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In the world of philosophy, Confucius is renowned for his profound wisdom and timeless teachings. However, it's essential to remember that even the most revered thinkers had their lighthearted moments. As we delved into this collection of "Funny Confucius Quotes," we couldn't help but chuckle at the clever wordplay and humorous observations that emerged from his philosophy. These quotes remind us that wisdom and humor can often go hand in hand, offering a refreshing perspective on life's complexities.