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610+ Funny Quotes About Hockey (2024) Goals of Giggles

Laughter is often said to be the best medicine, and in the world of sports, humor has a special place on the ice. Hockey, known for its intense battles and fierce competition, also offers plenty of moments that bring a smile to the faces of players and fans alike. If you're a fan of this fast-paced sport, you'll appreciate the wit and humor found in "Funny Quotes About Hockey."

In this article, we'll explore a collection of these witty and entertaining quotes that capture the spirit of camaraderie, passion, and the occasional slapstick comedy that makes hockey so much more than just a game. Whether you're a die-hard fan or a newcomer to the world of hockey, these quotes are bound to tickle your funny bone and remind you that laughter is, indeed, a universal language on and off the ice.

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Funny Quotes About Hockey (2024)

Hockey, with its lightning-fast plays and intense rivalries, often provides moments of sheer hilarity that keep both players and fans entertained. "Funny Quotes About Hockey" captures these lighthearted moments on the ice, showcasing the sport's humorous side. Here, we present a collection of unique and amusing quotes that celebrate the wit, camaraderie, and occasional slapstick comedy that make hockey a sport like no other:

  • "I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out." - Rodney Dangerfield
  • "I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, and she said, 'Yes, about me taking out the trash.'" - Jaromir Jagr
  • "Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the game? Because he wanted to go to the high-sticking area!"
  • "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." - Tiger Woods
  • "I can't skate, but I go to a lot of games." - Steven Wright
  • "I'd rather play hockey than be the king of England." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I went to a hockey game, and a fight broke out. Then a hockey game broke out." - Rodney Dangerfield
  • "I'm not a hockey player, but I play one on TV."
  • "Why do hockey players always bring a pencil to the game? In case they get a breakaway!"
  • "Hockey is figure skating in a war zone." - Unknown
  • "I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out." - Rodney Dangerfield
  • "I went to a hockey game, and a boxing match broke out." - Rodney Dangerfield
  • "I'm not a hockey expert, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night." - Unknown
  • "Why did the hockey player go to jail? Because he got caught in a 'slashing' incident!"
  • "Hockey is the only sport where the final score doesn't matter as long as you win." - Unknown
  • "I don't know, I'm just trying to have fun and play hockey." - Connor McDavid
  • "I wish I was a hockey puck, so I could get slapped around by sweaty men all day." - Unknown
  • "I'm not a hockey player, but I've been on the ice a few times." - Unknown
  • "Why was the hockey player a great musician? Because he had the best slapshot!"
  • "I went to a hockey game, and they dropped the puck. It was too heavy for me." - Steven Wright
  • "Hockey players have fire in their hearts and ice in their veins." - Unknown
  • "I don't have a good enough hockey face to play the game." - Unknown
  • "Why did the hockey player bring string to the game? In case he wanted to tie the score!"
  • "I'd rather be in a rink than a bar." - Bob Probert
  • "Why did the hockey player go to the bank? To get his check!"
  • "Why was the hockey player so good at math? Because he had a lot of 'slapshots'!"
  • "I went to a fight, and a hockey game broke out." - Rodney Dangerfield
  • "Hockey players have fire in their hearts and ice in their veins."
  • "Why did the hockey player bring string to the game? Because he wanted to tie the score!"
  • "I can't keep calm; it's hockey season!"
  • "Hockey: Where grown men chase a piece of rubber with sticks while wearing knives on their feet."
  • "In hockey, you have to be fast on your feet and slow with your mouth."
  • "I play hockey because punching people is frowned upon."
  • "Why did the hockey team go to the bank? To get their goalie."
  • "Hockey players have the coolest rink names: Ice Palace, Arena of Dreams, Frozen Fury."
  • "I don't need therapy; I just need to watch hockey."
  • "Hockey players have the best penalty boxes – no cell reception."
  • "In hockey, we don't do yoga; we do power plays."
  • "Hockey: where a hat trick is better than a hole in one."
  • "I have two goals in life: to play hockey and to eat tacos."
Funny Quotes About Hockey-OnlyCaptions

Also Read: Quotes About Hockey Goalie

  • "Why don't hockey players like making tea? Because the Canadiens and Bruins might come back."
  • "Hockey players have the coolest hat collections."
  • "I'm not a player; I just slap shot a lot."
  • "Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the game? Because he wanted to go to the penalty box!"
  • "Hockey players have the most ice in their veins and the biggest hearts."
  • "In hockey, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take – and some of the ones you do."
  • "Why did the hockey player bring a pencil to the game? In case he had to draw blood!"
  • "Hockey players: always on thin ice, literally."
  • "I may not be a hockey player, but I'm a fan, and that's almost the same thing."
  • "Hockey: where even the ice is afraid of the players."
  • "Why did the scarecrow become a successful hockey player? Because he was outstanding in his field!"
  • "Hockey players have the coolest vocabulary: hat trick, slap shot, power play."
  • "Hockey: the only place where slashing and high-sticking are encouraged."
  • "I'm not a player; I'm a spectator with a loud voice."
  • "Why do hockey players make terrible criminals? Because they always get caught in the net!"
  • "Hockey players: fighting for a good cause – winning."
  • "In hockey, we don't mind being on thin ice."
  • "Why did the hockey player go to jail? Because he got caught with a high stick!"
  • "Hockey: where the only snowflakes are on the ice."
  • "I don't need therapy; I just need a hockey game to watch."
  • "Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the rink? Because he heard the fishnets were high!"
  • "Hockey players have the best slapstick comedy – literally."
  • "Hockey: where it's perfectly normal to have a favorite Zamboni driver."
  • "I'm not a hockey player, but I have a one-timer wit."
  • "Why did the hockey puck go to therapy? Because it had too many issues."
  • "Hockey players: skating their way into our hearts."
  • "In hockey, we don't need a field; we have ice."
  • "Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the game? Because he wanted to go to the upper shelf!"
  • "Hockey: where fights are just friendly disagreements."
  • "I don't need therapy; I just need a hockey stick and some ice."
  • "Why did the hockey player bring a pencil to the game? In case he needed to draw blood."
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  • "Hockey players have the best icebreakers – and they're not cheesy."
  • "Hockey: where even the goalie's pads have pads."
  • "I'm not a hockey player, but I can sure break the ice."
  • "Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the game? Because he wanted to go to the top shelf!"
  • "Hockey players: putting the 'ice' in 'nice'."
  • "Hockey players have fire in their hearts and ice in their veins, but sometimes they also have a puck in their pants." - Unknown
  • "I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, and she said, 'Yes, about you taking out the trash and cleaning the dishes.'" - Bobby Hull
  • "The only way to get me to play hockey was to buy me gloves and a stick." - Woody Harrelson
  • "I'm not dumb enough to be a goalie." - Brett Hull
  • "The only thing I can do to relax is play hockey. When I'm on the ice, everything disappears." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "My goal is to deny yours." - Unknown
  • "I've been to a lot of games, but I've never been to one where I didn't have to worry about getting hit." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "Hockey is the only job I know where you get paid to have a nap on the day of the game." - Chico Resch
  • "I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd ever been with. She said yes, all the others were at least sevens or eights." - Bobby Hull
  • "I can't play hockey. I can't skate. I'm just not good at it. But you don't have to be good at something to love it." - Tim Robbins
  • "I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that." - Mitch Hedberg
  • "I got a puck in the teeth, and I didn't get it fixed because I just love seeing the gap in my smile." - Guy Lafleur
  • "I got into hockey by accident. I've always been a bit of a rebel." - Chris Chelios
  • "I like to go to the rink and play some pick-up hockey with the guys, but I'm always the worst guy on the ice." - Jeremy Renner
  • "I'm just a regular guy. I'm not going to grow a mullet or anything." - Sidney Crosby
  • "I'm not a big fan of bodychecking in hockey, but I think it's a necessary evil." - Bobby Orr
  • "I'm not a hockey player. I'm just a guy who plays hockey." - Bobby Hull
  • "I'm not good at hockey, but I enjoy playing it." - John C. Reilly
  • "I'm not in the NHL because I'm the best player in the league. I'm here because I'm the best player on my team." - Unknown
  • "I'm not the fastest guy on the ice, but I'm the quickest." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I'm not the tallest guy on the team, but I'm the shortest." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I'm not the toughest guy on the team, but I'm the most fragile." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I'm not the worst player on the team, but I'm not the best either." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I'm not very good at hockey. I'm just good at scoring goals." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I'm on the ice so much, I might as well be a zamboni." - Unknown
  • "I'm the best looking guy on the team. That's not saying much." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I'm the worst player on the team. I don't even know why I'm here." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I've been to a lot of games, but I've never seen a team win without scoring a goal." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I've been to a lot of games, but I've never seen a team win without shooting the puck." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I've been to a lot of games, but I've never seen a team win without passing the puck." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I've been to a lot of games, but I've never seen a team win without playing defense." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I've been to a lot of games, but I've never seen a team win without a goalie." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I've been to a lot of games, but I've never seen a team win without a coach." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I've been to a lot of games, but I've never seen a team win without fans." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I've been to a lot of games, but I've never seen a team win without a locker room." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I've been to a lot of games, but I've never seen a team win without a bus." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I've been to a lot of games, but I've never seen a team win without a plane." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I've been to a lot of games, but I've never seen a team win without a hotel." - Wayne Gretzky
  • "I've been to a lot of games, but I've never seen a team win without a meal." - Wayne Gretzky
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Also Read: Quotes About Funny Hunting

In the realm of sports, hockey has carved out its own unique niche, captivating fans around the world with its lightning-fast pace, bone-crushing hits, and awe-inspiring displays of skill. As we've explored the world of hockey throughout this discussion, we've uncovered its rich history, celebrated its legendary players, and delved into the strategies that make it such an exhilarating sport. Through it all, one thing has become abundantly clear: hockey is more than just a game; it's a cultural phenomenon that unites people in a shared passion for the sport.

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