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910+ Monty Python Quotes (2024) Classic Comedy Gems

In the annals of comedy history, few names shine as brightly as Monty Python. With their groundbreaking television series, films, and live performances, Monty Python revolutionized the landscape of humor, introducing a unique blend of irreverence, satire, and surrealism that continues to captivate audiences to this day. From their iconic sketches to their unforgettable characters, Monty Python Quotes have become a cultural touchstone, ingrained in the collective consciousness of comedy lovers around the world.

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Monty Python Quotes (2024)

Discover the timeless humor and wit of Monty Python with this collection of unique and iconic quotes:

  • "It's just a flesh wound."
  • "Ni!"
  • "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
  • "What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
  • "We are the knights who say 'Ni'!"
  • "And now for something completely different."
  • "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
  • "I'm not dead yet!"
  • "We apologize for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked."
  • "Well, she turned me into a newt!"
  • "I got better."
  • "Run away! Run away!"
  • "This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be."
  • "I fart in your general direction!"
  • "It's a fair cop."
  • "My brain hurts!"
  • "I'm not a witch, I'm your wife!"
  • "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"
  • "What have the Romans ever done for us?"
  • "I'm so sorry. My fault. Terribly sorry."
  • "We'll call it a draw."
  • "He's pining for the fjords."
  • "I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!"
  • "I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay."
  • "I'm not interested in your moral conundrums, Fatty!"
  • "Is there someone else up there we could talk to?"
  • "It's a Monty Python's Flying Circus, not Monty Python's Sitting at Home on Their Backsides."
  • "Right! Stop that! It's silly."
  • "Well, what did you expect in an opera? A happy ending?"
  • "You're only making it worse for yourself!"
  • "But apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?"
  • "Sorry, I'm a bit tied up at the moment."
  • "I'm an individual, and I demand my rights!"
  • "It's just a jump to the left."
  • "I'm warning you!"
  • "It's a matter of life and death. Or should I say, death and life."
  • "The larch."
  • "You're a loony."
  • "The comfy chair!"
  • "Stop that! Stop that! You're not going into a song while I'm here."
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Also Read: Mitch Hedberg Quotes

  • "Well, nobody's perfect."
  • "Don't mention the war!"
  • "Always look on the bright side of life."
  • "Yes, I am a walnut."
  • "This is an ex-parrot!"
  • "I'm not dead! I think I could pull through, sir."
  • "I object to all this sex on the television. I mean, I keep falling off!"
  • "He's got huge… tracts of land."
  • "You've got no arms left!"
  • "My hovercraft is full of eels."
  • "I didn't vote for you!"
  • "Well, we're not just going to hang around doing nothing."
  • "You fight like a dairy farmer!"
  • "I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV."
  • "Well, don't come here then."
  • "Blessed are the cheese makers."
  • "Oh, now we see the violence inherent in the system!"
  • "But it's my only line!"
  • "It's spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, and spam."
  • "Oh, get on with it!"
  • "One day, all this will be yours."
  • "You're not fooling anyone, you know."
  • "And now for something completely similar."
  • "And now, for something completely disgusting."
  • "I'm afraid we're fresh out of crumpets."
  • "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government."
  • "I've got a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel."
  • "I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!"
  • "But I don't like Spam!"
  • "I'm not your mate, pal."
  • "Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more!"
  • "Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?"
  • "I can't think of anything worse than being married to you!"
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  • "We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune."
  • "Shut up, Big Nose!"
  • "Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate?"
  • "Ah, he's been a naughty boy!"
  • "Well, that's cast rather a gloom over the evening, hasn't it?"
  • "The Knights Who Say 'Ni' demand a sacrifice!"
  • "Oh, I see! Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!"
  • "I don't like the sound of that 'ere Cromwell. He's making me nervous."
  • "But you're a knight!"
  • "This is no time to be making enemies."
  • "It's all right, they're quite friendly."
  • "The bishop! The bishop! The bishop! The bishop!"
  • "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid."
  • "You're a very silly man, and I'm not going to interview you."
  • "She turned me into a newt!"
  • "But I'm not dead!"
  • "Well, what are you then?"
  • "Oh, no, not again."
  • "I want to be a woman."
  • "I don't think I'll ever get the hang of Thursdays."
  • "I'm warning you, if you say 'Ni' one more time, I'm going to chop you into tiny pieces."
  • "How shall we fuck off, oh Lord?"
  • "What a senseless waste of human life."
  • "Bread and water, bread and water."
  • "Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!"
  • "I'm not interested in your silly games."
  • "You only live twice."
  • "Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting light to our beacon, which, I have just remembered, is grail-shaped."
  • "Good idea, O Lord!"
  • "We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril."
  • "Well, I must say, you're the first person who's ever brought a gun to a knife fight."
  • "That's right, sir. There's nothing worse than a cut snake."
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Also Read: Patton Quotes

As we reflect on the comedic genius of Monty Python, it's clear that their impact extends far beyond the confines of television screens and movie theaters. Their quotes have become a shorthand for humor and a source of shared laughter among fans around the world. From "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition" to "Always look on the bright side of life," Monty Python Quotes continue to bring joy and amusement to all who encounter them, serving as a testament to the enduring power of laughter in our lives.

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