700+ Quotes From Clerks (2024) The Most Hilarious Sayings Ever

In the realm of cult classic films, few have achieved the enduring popularity and cult status of "Clerks." This indie gem, brought to life by filmmaker Kevin Smith, not only introduced audiences to a hilariously irreverent world but also left us with a treasure trove of memorable and thought-provoking quotes. In this exploration, we'll delve into the rich tapestry of "Quotes From Clerks," examining their significance, humor, and the profound truths hidden within the witty banter of a small-town convenience store. So, let's take a trip down memory lane and revisit the world of "Clerks" through its unforgettable quotes.

Quotes From Clerks (2024)

Step behind the counter of the Quick Stop convenience store and enter the world of "Clerks," a film that has etched its irreverent humor and profound insights into the hearts of movie enthusiasts. From musings on life's mundane struggles to uproarious observations on pop culture, this collection presents unique and memorable quotes from the iconic film:

• "I'm not even supposed to be here today!" - Dante Hicks
• "I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class." - Randal Graves
• "You're an idiot." - Veronica Loughran
• "It's like people only do things because they get paid, and that's just really sad." - Dante Hicks
• "This job would be great if it wasn't for the f***ing customers." - Randal Graves
• "Hey, try not to suck any d**k on your way through the parking lot!" - Hockey Player
• "If you had to suck d**k to get a million dollars, would you do it?" - Customer
• "I have to hear this s**t enough at work. I don't need it in my free time." - Veronica Loughran
• "I'm not saying I hate her, but I wouldn't wish her any happiness either." - Randal Graves
• "You know, there's a million fine-looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work." - Silent Bob
• "37? My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!" - Customer
• "This job would be great if it wasn't for the customers." - Randal Graves
• "You hate people!" - Dante Hicks
• "I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class, especially since I rule." - Randal Graves
• "You're my best friend, and I don't even like you." - Randal Graves
• "Just because they serve you doesn't mean they like you." - Dante Hicks
• "The video store's open late." - Dante Hicks
• "In a row?" - Jay
• "You ever wonder how much the average jizz-mopper makes per hour?" - Randal Graves
• "What kind of convenience store do you run here?" - Angry Customer
• "This is all we do, man: we just talk, man." - Jay
• "Well, you tell me what the hell that means!" - Angry Customer
• "I got nothing against any of them. Sometimes people just gotta go out and blow off a little steam, you know? Have a cup of coffee, maybe a Danish." - Dante Hicks
• "You're closed!" - Angry Customer
• "Now who's the one without the magic ticket?" - Randal Graves
• "That's what she said." - Randal Graves
• "You're a danger to both the dead and the living." - Silent Bob
• "She's great for you. And it's good that you found someone. But it's not because you're good with women. It's because you're too stupid to realize you're totally whipped by one." - Randal Graves
• "My mom's been ****ing a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad." - Randal Graves
• "I love the smell of commerce in the morning." - Randal Graves
• "Tell 'em, Steve-Dave!" - Randal Graves
• "Well, the customers don't know that." - Dante Hicks
• "This is what I'm talking about, the pain, the discomfort. I mean, they can't even put this thing on!" - Customer
• "It's the first day of the rest of my life." - Dante Hicks
• "My friend here thinks you're a ****." - Jay
• "My mom is gonna kill us." - Randal Graves
• "Do you believe all this ****?" - Dante Hicks
• "Your mother's a tracer." - Randal Graves
• "It's like a ****in' soap opera." - Randal Graves
• "Video store jerks are kiss-asses." - Randal Graves
• "No time for love, Dr. Jones!" - Randal Graves

Also Read: Quotes From Tate Langdon

• "I'm ****ing surprised they don't have you sweep up the rat **** and staple it into smokes." - Randal Graves
• "No! Fool! Billy the Kid was a ****in' hero, man!" - Jay
• "He's ****ing dead!" - Randal Graves
• "Do you think it's safe to smoke in here?" - Dante Hicks
• "I think she ****s dead people." - Randal Graves
• "What did she say?" - Customer
• "He looks better without his head." - Randal Graves
• "I mean, she was great. But she had a lot of issues." - Randal Graves
• "Somebody ****ed a pig!" - Randal Graves
• "She's only ****ing you 'cause she wants free video rentals." - Randal Graves
• "I don't know. He ****s dead people." - Randal Graves
• "She ****s dead people!" - Randal Graves
• "I ****ing hate people, but I love gatherings." - Randal Graves
• "You know what the real tragedy about all this is? I'm not even supposed to be here today!" - Dante Hicks
• "This job would be great if it wasn't for the ****ing customers." - Randal Graves
• "We were having an argument." - Customer
• "It's ****ing ****. ****!" - Randal Graves
• "****ing shut up!" - Randal Graves
• "This place would be great if it wasn't for the ****ing customers." - Randal Graves
• "I'm fing calm… I'm the picture of fing calm!" - Dante Hicks
• "37! My girlfriend sucked 37 d***s!" - Dante Hicks
• "You're not allowed to rent here anymore!" - Randal Graves
• "I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years… I'm no dummy." - Dante Hicks
• "My girlfriend's suitor wore his… hat… backwards." - Randal Graves
• "It's like people only do things because they get paid. And that's just really sad." - Randal Graves
• "Try not to suck any d*** on the way to the parking lot!" - Dante Hicks
• "I'm going to hell for the things I've done in my life. And I'd like to think I'm leaving a trail of aborted fetuses in my wake." - Randal Graves
• "How much is this?" "More than you can afford, pal. Ferrari." - Randal Graves
• "You know, there's a million fine-looking women in the world, dude, but they don't all bring you lasagna at work." - Silent Bob
• "Well, I'll be damned." "And I'll be damned." - Randal Graves
• "I'm an individual, same as you. But I'm a better person because of it." - Dante Hicks
• "There's a million other fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work." - Silent Bob
• "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a lunch break to end." - Randal Graves
• "My mom's been f***ed by a dead guy so many times, she's starting to look like one!" - Randal Graves
• "You're not allowed to rent here anymore!" - Dante Hicks
• "You're a clerk! Pay me in gum!" - Randal Graves
• "Try not to suck any d*** on the way through the parking lot." - Randal Graves
• "You're closed, and you're explaining to the customers why you're closed?" - Randal Graves
• "I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am." - Dante Hicks
• "Thirty-seven! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!" - Dante Hicks
• "I'm offering you my body and you're offering me semantics." - Veronica Loughran
• "I'm like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie." - Dante Hicks
• "I don't wanna die at the hands of an ooze. What are we, Japanese?" - Randal Graves
• "There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning." - Randal Graves
• "We're like the male version of Thelma and Louise.

• "The dead don't do Dopey sh*t." - Randal Graves
• "I can't even masturbate anymore." - Dante Hicks
• "I am the master of the C.L.I.T. Remember this f***ing face." - Dante Hicks
• "Is your mother f***ing a snowman?" - Randal Graves
• "This would be so much easier if I didn't have these standards and feelings." - Dante Hicks
• "A laundromat is a great place to pick up chicks." - Randal Graves
• "In a row?" - Dante Hicks
• "Did I say it was closed? Hell no, we're open." - Randal Graves
• "Life's a b*tch, and then you die." - Randal Graves
• "I feel like I'm Han Solo, and you're Chewie, and she's Ben Kenobi, and we're in that f***ed-up bar!" - Randal Graves
• "I hate all contractors. They f***ing rob you." - Randal Graves
• "You sound like an insensitive asshole." - Veronica Loughran
• "Your mom's been dead for 20 years!" - Dante Hicks
• "I don't mean to interrupt, but does anyone know what the hell's going on here?" - Silent Bob
• "Yeah, but they're all dead." - Randal Graves
• "Aren't you even the least bit concerned about the repercussions of this?" - Dante Hicks
• "Tell me, what kind of convenience store do you run here?" - Veronica Loughran
• "I've always said, if you have to work, work in a convenience store." - Randal Graves
• "They're only selling you something. You're the one stupid enough to buy it." - Randal Graves
• "Video store, video store, video store!" - Silent Bob
• "If you break it, you buy it." - Randal Graves
• "Oh, f* you! F* you, pal!" - Dante Hicks
• "The direct translation for all this is: 'I'm not even supposed to be here today.'" - Dante Hicks
• "There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?" - Randal Graves
• "Did you know you made someone come on the cracker in your bed?" - Randal Graves
• "What did you say?" - Dante Hicks
• "I thought we were afraid of flying." - Randal Graves
• "You sound like an a**hole!" - Dante Hicks
• "You know, there's a million fine-looking women in the world, but they don't all bring you lasagna at work." - Silent Bob
• "I don't want to hear about the stupid little customers." - Dante Hicks
• "I've always been a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class." - Randal Graves
• "No time for love, Dr. Jones!" - Dante Hicks
• "Porch monkey's gonna write in his diary." - Randal Graves
• "You've probably got mad cow disease by now." - Randal Graves
• "Who would rent a post-apocalyptic porno tape?" - Dante Hicks
• "Would you like some making f***in' with that?" - Randal Graves
• "I'm stuck in this pit, earning less than slave wages." - Dante Hicks
• "We should start a new national pastime, bitching about Mondays." - Randal Graves
• "You're a clerk! Act like one!" - Veronica Loughran
• "I'm just a convenience store clerk, and even I know that you don't run around like that." - Dante Hicks
• "Bunch of savages in this town." - Dante Hicks
• "She was supposed to meet me here for our date, but instead, some of my friends convinced me to buy Bon Jovi tickets." - Dante Hicks
• "Hey, you open?" - Various Customers
• "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.

Also Read: Quotes From Falling Down

In the world of cinema, "Clerks" has carved a unique niche for itself, not only as a cult classic but also as a treasure trove of unforgettable wit and wisdom. Through the lens of everyday life, Kevin Smith's masterpiece has delivered a rollercoaster of hilarity and profound truths. As we journeyed through this collection of "Quotes From Clerks," we found ourselves immersed in the world of Dante, Randal, Jay, Silent Bob, and a cast of characters who defied the ordinary and embraced the absurdity of existence.