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I grew up believing in the fairytale version of love. You know the one where you lock eyes across a crowded room, a lightning bolt strikes, and you just know. This person is your destiny, your other half. For years, I chased that lightning bolt, believing that if a relationship was difficult, it must not be "the one."
I thought that the question of if we're meant to be would be answered by a complete lack of problems. But real life, with all its messy, complicated, and beautiful nuances, taught me a very different lesson. I learned that "meant to be" isn't a magical, effortless ride into the sunset.
It's quieter than that. It’s not about finding someone who is a perfect fit, but about finding someone with whom you are willing to build something real, even when the pieces don’t fit perfectly.
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This is a delicate but crucial balance. Being with them should feel like coming home. The conversation should be easy, the silences comfortable, and the time together should feel natural, not forced.
There's a fundamental ease to your interactions. But and this is a big but it’s not lazy. A lazy connection is one where neither person puts in any effort because it's "good enough." An easy, meant-to-be connection is one where you both still choose to put in the effort, not because you have to, but because you want to.
You still plan thoughtful dates, you still work to make each other happy, and you never take that easy feeling for granted. It's the best of both worlds: the comfort of home and the joy of actively tending to its foundation.
You can have different hobbies. You can like different movies and cheer for rival sports teams. But when it comes to the big stuff, the core pillars of who you are, you have to be on the same page.
I'm talking about your fundamental values: how you treat other people, your definition of integrity, your views on family, your financial philosophies, and what you believe constitutes a good life.
If one of you values adventure and freedom above all else, and the other values stability and deep community roots, you're going to face constant friction.
When you're "meant to be," your core values act as a shared compass, ensuring that even if you take different paths, you are always heading in the same general direction.
I used to think that "meant to be" meant you'd never want to run away. Now I know it means you have every reason to run away, but you both consciously choose to stay and work it out.
Life will throw challenges at you job loss, family illness, personal struggles. A relationship based on fleeting feelings will crumble. A "meant to be" connection reveals its strength in these moments. It’s about choosing your partner when they are at their worst, not just their best.
It's turning towards each other in a crisis, not away. This conscious, active choice, repeated over and over, is far more powerful than any passive notion of fate.
A "meant to be" love doesn't create one single entity; it supports two whole individuals. A huge sign of a healthy, destined connection is that you both have your own lives, friends, and passions outside of the relationship, and it doesn't threaten the bond it strengthens it.
There's a deep trust that allows you both to be independent. You don't need constant contact or reassurance to feel secure. You can go on a trip with friends or spend a night apart and come back together with new energy and stories to share.
This isn't a sign of distance; it's a sign of a secure attachment built on trust, not on a codependent need to be constantly intertwined.
When you think about the future, is it a scary, uncertain concept, or does it feel like an exciting project you get to build together? When you're with the right person, conversations about the future happen naturally and with a sense of shared enthusiasm.
You talk about "our" house, "our" dog, or where "we" will travel. You can dream together, plan together, and even budget together without it feeling like a chore or a trap.
The future stops being a vague "someday" and starts to take on a tangible shape, and the idea of building it with them fills you with a sense of purpose and joy, not fear.
This is the ultimate litmus test. Who are you when you are with this person? Do they bring out your funnier, kinder, more patient, and more confident self? Or do they bring out your insecurities, your anxiety, and your worst impulses?
A partner you're meant to be with will make you feel good about who you are. Their presence calms your inner turmoil and inspires you to be a better version of yourself without ever explicitly demanding it.
They are a "green flag" personified. When you are with them, your nervous system can finally relax. Your life feels bigger and brighter, not smaller and more stressful.
Fighting isn’t necessarily a sign that you’re not meant to be. Every couple fights. The real question is how you fight. Do your fights escalate into cruel, personal attacks? Or are they productive disagreements where you both listen and work toward a resolution?
If you can argue and come out on the other side feeling like you’ve solved something and are still a team, that's a much stronger sign of being "meant to be" than a couple who never fights because they're too afraid to address their problems.
This is a dangerous trap. Sometimes, people use "if we're meant to be, it will work out" as an excuse to stay in a relationship that is unhealthy, stagnant, or even toxic. They passively wait for fate to fix things instead of taking action.
"Meant to be" should never be an excuse for a lack of respect, a lack of effort, or a lack of happiness. It’s not a magic spell that can turn a bad relationship into a good one. It's a quality that is revealed in an already good, though perhaps challenging, relationship.
In the end, I've learned that "meant to be" is a beautiful paradox. It’s a feeling of fated connection and a conscious, daily choice. It’s a sense of cosmic alignment and the practical, on-the-ground work of building a life.
It's not about finding your "other half," because you are already whole. It's about finding another whole person with whom you can build something far more magnificent than either of you could have built alone. When you find that, you don't just feel like you're meant to be; you actively make it so, every single day.